Friday, February 27, 2009

Money, money, money....

Disclaimer: The following Mockumentary is a parody. Any similarities to actual events in Rick Wagoner’s office, though may have been eerily similar, would be strictly coincidental. The author was not, and does not claim to be an eyewitness to the actual events. Besides, I am not even Union. ;-)

SCENE: Detroit, MI; a crisp November day, 2008, in a building resembling an automobile manufacturer’s head-quarters, a multi-storied skyscraper. GM CEO Rick Wagoner is staring out of the window from his plush, well decorated office.

Director: ACTION!!!

Rick Wagoner: I don’t believe it’s going to be a very good Christmas at all this year Tiny Tim. We seem to be losing money faster than . Just the other day I could only fuel one of the Corporate Jets ½ way. Can you imagine? We almost had to offload the Krystal and Grey Goose to save mileage in order to make it to DC for the congressional inquiry. It’s definitely a changing time.

Tiny Tim:
Perhaps we should have driven to the capitol…it would be a wonderful way to combine publicity w/ advertising for one of our new eco-friendly concept cars. Especially since our advertising budget has already been spent between NASCAR, Union Goons, Recalls, Cool Techno Music, and lavish Executive outings.

Rick Wagoner: NONSENSE! Tiny Tim, as I have said we already fueled the jet ½ way, it’d be a shame to just leave it sitting there, in the a lifeless temperature controlled hangar, all Lonely. Why,…why,… the caviar might spoil. Besides, the corporate masseuse and stylist will be here 1st thing in the morning, as well as a group of the highest-paid corporate lawyers and planners I could have ever assembled will be arriving to help me prepare for my trip. I’m speaking before congress you know,… on CSPAN even. Have to make the proper impression. At any rate, we’d never have time to drive there once I get my afternoon tee time in. Too funny Tim,…you are such a funny little man.


You all know what happened next, the CEO’s of the Big-Three automakers (GM, FORD, Chrysler) fly to Washington DC in their corporate luxury jets asking for up to $34 billion in federal loans, up from their earlier request for $25 billion in assistance. Two of them, GM and Chrysler, warn that without immediate assistance they could run out of the money before the end of the year.

Fast forward 2 weeks…

This time GM CEO Rick Wagoner, Ford CEO Alan Mulally and Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli drive fuel-efficient hybrids to Washington, jet’s remain grounded ;-)

Washington folds, after making a spectacle of the event, a little showmanship for the voters. However, as always, the health of the nation depends on saving the auto industry. Must be another part of the 2 million jobs saved.

Fast forward again to...Now...

GM CEO Rick Wagoner, who already has accepted $13.4 billion in government aid for his company, was in Washington on Thursday to talk to the Obama administration about a request for up to $30 billion in additional aid.

Why do we continue to throw our tax dollars into a steeping toxic waste hole? Does anyone really know what a Billion dollars looks like? Let alone $50 billion.

I can’t even begin to describe the $787 Billion, more than all of the US currency currently in circulation (estimated at $585 Billion), looks like.

You do realize that if you took all of the US money out of everyone’s bank account, mattress, wallet, and every penny form every child’s piggy bank, you still would not have enough money to pay for this spend(ulus) bill already signed. Now BHO is proposing another $410 Billion in spending. The Government is likely to throw the $50 Billion to the auto industry, and the newly unveiled $653 Billion in healthcare reform. Where does it end? Can they see the forest through the money trees? Apparently that’s where all of this money grows.

Let me try to put some visual references to this by using some help from our liberal friends that tried to make a mountain, out of a mole hill, literally, when attempting to put a visual model to the $315 Billion Bush spent on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan during his term. Wars that I remind you were backed by Congress.

Three Thousand dollars ... roughly the thickness of a ream of paper, 2 inches thick or 500 sheets a single stack, it would be a foot high.

Three-Hundred-and-Sixty Thousand dollars ... A stack 5 feet tall. Shorter than the average American man.

Nine Million dollars ... The pile is 5 feet tall, 10 feet long, and 6¼ feet wide.

This horde is comparable in size to a single compact car. You could buy 489 of them for the amount, though, with enough cash left over to fill up the gas tanks of 162 of them.
This amount of money is more than four times what you can expect to earn in your entire life, if you are an American with a college degree.

Three-hundred-fifteen billion dollars ... This pile is 125 feet wide, 200 feet deep, and 450 feet tall.

450 feet is the height of a 38-story building. It's the height of the Millennium Wheel in London. It is also the height of the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas and the Louisiana State Capitol Building, where Bobby Jindal gave his latest response

Does this help a little? Can you imagine staning next to roughly 2 and 1/3 of these stacks. President Obama can. And he's only just begun...

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